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Nosebleed, Courtesy Of Inday

February 14, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments
Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo:
 
Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?
 
Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.
 
Amo: [nosebleed]
 


 
Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si Junior.
 
Amo: Bakit me bukol si Junior?
 
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
 
Amo: [nosebleed ulit]
 


 
"Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness."
sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior
 


 
Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.
 
Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?
 
Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
 
Amo: [nosebleed na naman]
 


 
"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market."
banat ni Inday kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang
 
"Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the "oriza sativa" which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste."
sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing
 


 
Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!
 
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
 
Donya: [hinimatay]
 


 
Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa principal’s office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.
 
Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.
 
Inday: It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!
 
Principal: [nag resign]
 


 
"I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from…"
– Inday… hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick
 
 
"Dear Mom,
 
Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.
 
Your daughter,
Inday"
 
"Dear Inday,
 
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
 
Tatay"
 


 
*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday
 


 
Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.
 
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
 
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
 
Amo: [nosebleed ulit]
 


 
Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
 
Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!
 
(hahahaha…lupet ni Inday!!!! may alam sa PAS)
 


 
"Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!"
si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate… (Taray talaga ni Inday!)
 


 
Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka… would you please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?
 
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gowng". Am I correct?
 
Amo: Leche!
 
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!
 


 
La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?
– Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España
 


 
Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.
 
Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!
 
Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]
 


 
"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"
– reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia
 


 
Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.
 
Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?
 
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.
 
Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]
 


 
"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."
sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff
 


 
Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.
 
Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request – Petition denied.
 


 
Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.
 
"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance."
– Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya
 


 
Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!
 
Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself.
 
Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.
 
Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you’ll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you’ve been wishing for to stay.
 
Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.
 
Amo: [nagpakamatay]
 
 
O SYA, TAMA NA YAN AT PUNASAN MO NA ANG IYONG NOSEBLEED. (BTW, is there an emoticon for nosebleeding?)
 
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