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On Still Being Single

December 12, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments
Being single is not a disease and marriage certainly isn’t the cure.Jason Illian
 
If I may rant a bit, to a nameless and faceless but definitely existing audience (in other words, you know who you are): 
 
Yes, I’m still single.  So what’s the problem?  I don’t have a problem with that.  Do you have a problem with that?
 
Do you think that because I’m still single, I’m not happy and complete in my life?  What makes you think that?  Who are you to judge and say that happiness can only be found if one is coupled to another? 
 
To be dependent on another person for one’s happiness and sense of being complete is such a dangerous situation.  This is not true love for another.  This is just being needy and clingy to another. 
 
Do you think that being single is a big problem?  Is that why you want to introduce me to someone or have me go on blind dates – so that my problem will be solved?  Are you saying that I have a problem that just MUST be solved? 
 
Why is this any of your concern anyway? 
 
Some weeks ago Bo Sanchez wrote an interesting blog post entitled “Do You Want Happy Relationships? Love Yourself.”  He’s not espousing that we become selfish, rather, that we learn to love ourselves the way we should, because it is only through this that we will be able to love God and other people. 
 
The following are the salient points I got from his post (lifted and re-arranged as appropriate): 
 
  • You can only have happy relationships if you have happy self-love.
  • Your heart is filled with either self-love or neediness.  When a human heart doesn’t have self-love, it isn’t empty.  It’s filled with neediness.
  • If you learn to love yourself, you’ll push out neediness from your heart. The more you love yourself, the less neediness you have. The less you love yourself, the more neediness you have.
  • …If you’re looking for a spouse, I strongly urge you to look for someone who can actually live without you – but who will choose to live with you – not because he needs you, but because he loves you.
  • Replace neediness with self-love.  Because you can only have healthy relationships if you have healthy self-love.
Yes, I’m still single.  It’s because I have not yet found the one for me.  But I hope to God that someday, in His time, I will. 
 
 
Jesus, King of Mercy, I trust in You! 
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