Home > Entertainment > The IT Professionals’ Laws (2nd Edition)

The IT Professionals’ Laws (2nd Edition)

Developer’s Law: Debug and debug the code until it compiles.

Team Lead’s Law: Rework and rework the module until it is signed-off.

Tester’s Law: Run and run the test script until you get the expected results. 

Technical Administrator’s Laws:
1.    Hack and hack the system until you gain access.
2.    Crack up the registry and find the solution to disable ALT-TAB. 
       •    Corollary: See User’s Law # 3.

Manager’s Laws:
1.    Plan and plan the work plan until the release goes live.
2.    Always prioritize the managers no matter how small the problem is.
3.    Let’s spend this year’s budget.  Yes, we have to. 
4.    No web filters will be applied to all Managers.
5.    Don’t hire an applicant who has a Master’s Degree on ALT-TABBING.
      •    Reversal: See User’s Law # 3.

Continuous Improvement Lead’s Law: Re-baseline and re-baseline the work plan until the metrics become green.

System Administrator’s Laws:
1.    Troubleshoot and troubleshoot the system until it comes online. 
       •    Reversal: Do not to do shortcut troubleshooting.  Always do a hard reboot.
2.    Reboot and reboot the server until it stabilizes. 
       •    Corollary: If users don’t want the server rebooted then compromise and say that you’ll just restart the kernel.
3.    Migrate and migrate the code until the developers give you something that actually works. 
4.    Ignore a problem long enough and it either becomes irrelevant or someone else solves it for you.
      •    Corollary: Wait 10 years before resolving a problem.
5.    To find out who owns / uses an environment when no party is identified, decommission it and wait for someone to scream and panic because it’s missing. 

Technical Support’s Laws:
1.    Follow the troubleshooting script even if it wastes the time of users who know exactly what the problem is, and may even know how it should be solved, because that is procedure.
2.    Put users on hold until they give up.
3.    Agree to anything just to get the user to shut up / move on – but don’t act on it.  Have the next Technical Support person handle the follow-up.

User’s Laws:
1.    Follow-up and follow-up the System Administrators / Technical Support until they do the needful (or find a way to get you to shut up / move on). 
2.    Skip Technical Support – let’s ask the experts.
3.    What is ALT-TAB?

Technical Architect’s Law: Design and design the solution until it works and performs optimally.

Technical Lead’s Law: Pretend to know what you’re doing long enough until people actually think you know what you’re doing and consider you a real Subject Matter Expert. 

Senior Executive’s (President, CEO, CTO, CIO, etc.) Law: Sell and sell your IT work until someone buys it. 

Liaison’s / Account Manager’s Law: Bluff and bluff to the client that “everything is alright” until the system explodes. 

HR’s Law: Interview and interview applicants until some fool accepts the offer. 

Obviously these are all just half-meant jokes.  Promise!  Hehehe! Open-mouthed smile

Ultimately my point is this: There’s never a dull moment in IT. 

Yeah, you’d be surprised.  But that’s why I’m in this industry.  Open-mouthed smile  (With my excellent qualifications I could have gone into show business and ramp modeling, but that’s another story for another time.)

Acknowledgements: Thanks to Dio and Rommel for contributing a few of the ideas here.  This edition also takes into consideration a number of additional Laws that I got from Mon. 

Categories: Entertainment
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