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I Did Something Right

July 8, 2018 2 comments

I thought it would be a good idea to look back and reflect upon my time as a leader in my particular organization. I know there are better leaders than me out there, and I know this for a fact because I served under them. I made it to where I’m now thanks to people like them. I’d like to think that since the time I eventually became a leader myself, I was able to pay forward the good I received over the years, to the people who worked for me.

I would like to think that I was able to help people move on and move forward with the next chapter in their lives by helping them get a new job after they left the company.

For one, she tagged me as a referral, and the short story is I was able to recommend her application to the company she was applying for. She got in, and has been doing well in that company for several years. Another example was for another former staff that I was able to recommend for the job that a recruiter was interviewing me for. I don’t remember any more if she got the job; what I remember is the sheer coincidence of the situation because the recruiter had her next in line for interview. The short story here is she eventually got something that worked well for her; now she and her family are also doing well. And just recently, because of some personal plans I have, someone now has a job; I think this was just by chance, but still something of note. These are examples where I had an opportunity to help, and I was able to do so; God most definitely had a large part in all the examples I could think of, not just for these cases, since there are no coincidences when it comes to His will.

I would like to think that I was able to make a reality the career aspirations of some of the people under me over the years.

They wanted a promotion to the next level, and they worked hard for it; I worked to try and make it happen. I’m happy for the times when I have been successful getting my team promoted; they got the recognition they deserved. I sorely regret the times when I haven’t been successful for some of them, through circumstances out of my control; the only good thing I could say here is at least for the stages in the process that I could control, I did do all that I could.

I would like to think that I was able to improve the work-life balance of all my teams, to the extent that I could actually do something about it. After all, there’s no point in having a job that’s fulfilling at a professional level if you no longer have a life to enjoy at a personal level. I hope I was able to fix bad situations where I could reasonably do so.

One from my team now has a practically guaranteed chance of finally having a child due to the medical accommodations she requested and I supported. Some from my team are not spending literally long hours of their life commuting to work every day because of logistical arrangements I made; one of them even commented that she will never forget how I made an effort for her to be able to work very near to her home, since this helped her a lot. At the end of the day, I think it’s just a basic and critical requirement that we give people a chance to have a life, and I’d like to think that I’ve had some success in this matter.

One of my managers made this remark: “It’s true that people don’t leave companies, they leave their bosses. But what to do when your boss is the one to leave?! Thanks for being a great leader – one who understands not only the business’ priorities but those of his people as well, one who is truly human.” I’m honored someone even thought of me as being a “great leader.” Some people expressed an appreciation with working with me and even considered it fun to do so; this I attribute to my efforts in trying to be as approachable as I can, and should. One even joined my team because he knew he’d be working for me again. I consider the feedback and reactions of some of my team an honor, one I can’t help but feel I don’t deserve.

It’s not right to complain that you don’t feel valued when you don’t want to do the things of value. I look back at what I’ve done so far as a leader and the outcome, or at least the feedback that I got, from doing so. I think it’s safe to say that I did some things of value. It looks like I have been doing something right.

I don’t know if I’ll ever find myself in a position of leadership again. But should the occasion arise once more, I hope to be able to continue to do what’s right for those I serve, and for more of them.

I look back at the impact I had to the people I encountered in my career over the years. For all my faults as a human being in general, and as a leader in particular, I take some comfort in the thought that, at least for some, I did something right.

Thank You, oh Lord, for giving me the grace to do something right.

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Categories: Personal

Coping with Impermanence

July 7, 2018 Leave a comment

I think God is trying to remind me of something.

I can’t rely on the things of this world. At some point these will still fail me in the end.

I can’t rely on my wealth for future, long-term financial security. No matter how much I try to secure it, at some point such is all going away. And at the moment I don’t want to imagine the many ways that could happen.

I can’t rely on the constant presence of the people I love. They will all have to go home to God one of these days, and out of love for them, such is only right.

Finally, I can’t even rely on myself. No matter how “complete” or “successful” I think I am, and I might actually be such, at the end of the day I’m still human and weak. I can try to work on my weaknesses, however, unintentionally or otherwise, I will still fail.

At the end of the day, I’m reminded that everything in and of this world is impermanent. Because of this impermanence, no one and no thing are ultimately reliable.

The only reliable truth is God. God’s constancy is a stark counter-point because it’s the only permanent thing in all of creation. I will lose everyone and everything in the end, for everything of this world is impermanent. But if I continue to want Him in my life, He will never go.

Ultimately, for as long as I have God in my life, I truly have EVERYTHING. This fact is where I find the solace and security I seek in this ever-changing world of turmoil, as persons or things disappear from my life and what-not, for one reason or another or sometimes for no logical reason at all.

I can cope with the impermanence of life because of the permanence of God.

Categories: Personal

Living For Days Like This

July 3, 2018 Leave a comment

The past weekend was as uneventful as it could get.

I felt like I had plenty of time. I still had the same 24 hours that everyone else had. But I relished the sensation of the hours moving as slowly as I perceived it did. I didn’t have any particular plans to do, and that’s why. It certainly felt like a very long day – long enough to do something, and nothing, and both, which was what happened.

This is a picture of what my life will be like, on a regular basis, one of these days. To some extent I can say that I was actually bored, and I’m comfortable with that – for now. The sense of ennui with the long time I had is certainly a stark contrast to the mental and emotional grind of a long workday (but to be fair, such is often also productive).

Dealing with boredom is a welcome change from dealing with the business of a busy life. I’m sure at some point the “stress of boredom” will be a real matter to address, especially from an existential perspective and what-not, but for now I’m not worried about it. I think I’ll even appreciate this change.

Anecdotally, we all strive to live at the pace of life that’s comfortable for us. On one extreme, the daily hustle is what makes some people happy. On another extreme, the laidback lifestyle is what’s best for others. I think most people are somewhere in the middle, doing their best to strike a healthy balance between these two. I’m part of that group that prefers the slower pace, for I don’t want to rush through life.

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy so that you live the life you want to live.

I live for long and lazy days like this. I look forward to more of the same in the days ahead.

Dearest Lord – thank You, as always.

Categories: Personal

The Best Response to Getting Friend Zoned

September 2, 2017 Leave a comment

As has been said before, it’s one thing to react, and it’s another thing to respond. The mature and ultimately more useful approach is to respond to things that happen in your life. After all, you make your life however way you want it based on how you respond to what it throws at you. The same applies if someone puts you in her Friend Zone. It’s obviously painful, but despite that there’s still a constructive way to respond to it.

First of all, don’t be stubborn: If she doesn’t want you, then move on. The love of your life is someone who wants you in the same way that you want her.

It’s said that the best revenge is a life well-lived, looking more handsome / beautiful than usual, going places you’ve never been to, doing things you’ve never done before, meeting new people, learning new things, gaining new experiences, and having the absolute best time of your life! That continues to be true, though rather than framing the thought from a perspective of “vengeance,” in retrospect, I’d like to think of this more along the lines of what you do for yourself for your own best interest.

Be handsome / beautiful; be intelligent; be strong in character; be independent; be confident – in a word: Be COMPLETE. Choose to be happy; make and find your happiness on your own, independent from any expectations to get such from another person. Be the best love of your life!

The best response to getting Friend Zoned is to enjoy your life, and doing so for your own sake. Make yourself too busy enjoying life to have time for people or things that will just depress you, for such isn’t worth your time or effort. Make yourself too busy being happy, content, and grateful for who and what God has given you in your life; be too busy appreciating the blessings He has bestowed on you.

You don’t need to show her how much you’re enjoying life without her. Frankly, there’s a good chance she won’t even care – and neither should you. Ultimately, it’s irrelevant if she ever sees how much better your life is without her in it. You’re not doing this to let her know what she’s missing because she didn’t choose you, and thus regret it; you’re doing this because you’re happy all on your own. And although you may be alone, because you own your own happiness, you’re most definitely not lonely.

For all you know, in the course of enjoying your life, she’ll get to know a little more about you. Obviously this doesn’t necessarily mean that she’ll change her mind about rejecting you. And knowing a little more about you might even have the effect of her solidifying her decision not to accept you; at least she’s now surer about her decision. But it might also happen that she actually changes her mind about you, and develops a sincere interest in having you in her life. Whether you choose to want her back or walk away from her is now up to you. It’s also possible that she realizes that you might be a better fit for someone she knows, and if she’s charitable enough about it, she would even arrange that you meet up with her friend. The point is that one thing can lead to another: A lot of possibilities can open up by simply living your life to the fullest.

A lot of the good things in life are easier said than done. This approach is no exception. Rejection will always be an offensive thing; you will need to forgive her for doing that to you. Thus, get it done and forgive her, then move on with enjoying your life.

We have to start appreciating all that we bring to our own lives. Because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraint, you emit the kind of energy that it just isn’t possible to fake. The kind of energy that’s capable of transforming not just your own life, but the lives of people around you. – Read This If You’re Worried That You’ll Never Find ‘The One’

For all you know, the day might come when someone will actually want you. At this point, it’s irrelevant if that day ever comes. But if it does, then it’s because she’ll want you for who you are. She’ll be attracted because of the happiness, the sense of “completeness” that you exude in your life. And she will want to be a special part of your life, as she would want you to be a special part in hers. If you happen to want her in the same way, too, then this is the best “bonus” you can ever get from responding to all the rejections you have ever experienced. Should that day ever come, know that you have finally found the Right One for you.

Categories: Personal

Attraction and Pain in Proportion

August 21, 2017 Leave a comment

The sense of attraction for someone, and the pain from rejection, comes in certain proportions.

Attraction is directly proportional to perceived availability. Someone is at her most attractive when she’s still single. To put it bluntly, a pretty face becomes gorgeous when she isn’t married or in a relationship yet. This gives the admirer a sense of hope because the chance to pursue and win her is still there. Such attraction diminishes when she’s in a relationship, because it’s harder to compete and win her over when her heart already belongs to someone. And in a way, attraction can (and probably should) cease to exist if she’s already married, because it means she’s committed to no longer entertain anyone else in her life.

Conversely, the pain experienced from rejection is indirectly proportional to perceived availability. The less available a person is, the less painful it is when she rejects you. Rejection feels bad when she’s already married because it means, by virtue of her commitment, you already have no chance; by default you’re already rejected. And such rejection is only proper because actually, if she really loves her husband, then she should reject you. Rejection feels worse when she’s in a relationship because, although she’s not yet finally committed to someone, she already loves someone else who is not you. For these two cases, it feels awful. However unfaithfulness, especially in a marriage, is unacceptable, thus, any rejection is understandable and even acceptable. But rejection feels the worst when, even if she’s still single and thus the opportunity to have her in your life is there, she still rejects you because she just isn’t interested in you.

Anyway, these are just a few things I’ve observed in my journey in life.

Categories: Personal

The Fleeting Crush

August 13, 2017 Leave a comment

A “fleeting crush” can be described, among many ways, thusly: “I know your name. You know I exist. As far as I’m concerned, that’s good enough for me. I’ll take what I can get; I’ll receive what can be given. I’m not expecting anything, thus to receive even what little notice you can spare is an underserved generous plenty. And even if the gift isn’t much – it’s actually nothing at all – I’ll still be immensely grateful for the blessing that is you. I’m content just admiring you from a distance, for I want nothing more than just that. Thank you for your presence in my life, if only for just this fleeting moment.”

Categories: Personal

Possibility of Escape From the Boss-Zone

August 6, 2017 Leave a comment

Being at a high place in the corporate ladder has its perils and then some, with such risks also evident when it comes to love. The loneliness of command is real, and some leaders feel it more than others. A position too high up the hierarchy can be a detriment in the pursuit of love. It puts you in an “awkward” if not “unreachable” place. To put it simply: You find yourself getting “Boss-Zoned.” In my musings today, I wondered if there was a way to escape this particular zone; perhaps there are a few ways, but none are easy.

A relationship should be a “meeting of equals.” At a minimum, you need to ensure that there’s no reporting relationship. Make no mistake: This is a foundational requirement. When there’s a reporting relationship, there’s some power play that can influence the balance of the dynamics between two people. Never mind for a moment that such won’t be a good thing for other people in the office to see; this imbalance can and will cloud decisions when it comes to assignments, performance management, salary administration, and the like. Things that happen outside the office shouldn’t unduly influence or impact things that happen inside the office, and vice-versa.

The other action that I think needs to happen would be to wait for the other person to catch-up to you in the ladder. That can mean waiting for her to eventually become your peer. That can mean staying at your level for a while longer until such time that she’s able to move up to your level, too. That can mean a combination of both. But this approach comes with its own risks: This involves a lot of waiting, and a lot of things can and will happen while waiting. There’s a good chance to lose her if (when) she chooses to be with someone else who is her peer. And sacrificing your own benefit for a relationship that literally isn’t promised or “secured” is foolish; you’re waiting for nothing. You owe it to yourself to pursue and enjoy what you rightly deserve, too.

It’s worth calling out the nuance in the latter action. It involves waiting for the other person to be your peer. If you’re able to influence or directly push for that to happen then the imbalance in the relationship is still there. In other words the situation is such that it’s not a “meeting of equals,” the foundational requirement doesn’t exist. It’s a misuse / abuse of one’s authority to unfairly give another person an advantage. Once more, never mind for a moment that it won’t look good; it’s important that she’s able to achieve things on her own, that she shouldn’t owe you anything. Undue influence with what can happen inside the office is something you don’t need in the relationship since such only breeds a particular form of anxiety that both of you don’t need.

Again, be warned: Waiting, especially waiting too long, is a dangerous thing to do. If you want something to happen, if you want to get who you want, then it’s crucial for you to act immediately. You need to be in a place where there isn’t anything you can do that will have any sway in what happens in the relationship as far as work is concerned, and vice-versa. And the sooner that you can make this happen (whatever the hell that might be if it’s not these two actions), the better.

For what it’s worth, the lady that catches your eye in the office isn’t the only option in your life. As they say, there are many other fish in the sea. Sometimes it’s just best to avoid the problem of getting “Boss-Zoned” altogether by just considering others outside your current employment. In such case, both of you are free to grow and prosper in your respective fields and endeavors. There’s no need to deal with the potential influence of power plays, office politics, competition, etc. in a relationship as a result of one’s position and what-not, because such simply won’t exist; it won’t be a thing to mitigate.

Love is a “many-splendored” thing, as it’s often said. But nobody ever said love would be an easy thing. Love is one of the messiest, if not the messiest, thing you can ever get yourself involved in. Perhaps it’s best to just avoid it for good? Now, that’s another option altogether, one not meant for everyone.

Before I forget, a personal relationship is meant to be private. Therefore, exercise discretion in whatever you choose to do. Now, how to be discrete is another story for another day.

Categories: Personal